Good Choice; Bad Choice

Life is all about choices. I've been thinking a lot about this lately. The direction our lives go have so much to do with our choices and the choices of the people closest to us. Good choice = reward; Bad choice = consequence. At least that's what we try to teach our children (we do a little thumbs up; thumbs down routine - it's cute - you have to see it, I guess). Oh man, if it were only that simple, right? The problem is that as life gets more complicated so do our choices. Choices affect not only us, but the people we love, and ultimately our relationship with God. They affect not only the present moment, but our futures as well. Then there are always those times in our lives when we are questioning the choices we made, wondering what life might have been like if we'd made a different choice. Here's what I've come to understand about choices. God does have a best for us. He does have a plan and purpose, and we do have to choose this. In saying that, one wrong choice, however big it may be, does not keep God from doing something awesome in your life. Whether your choice ended with a baby, a divorce, or great pain for someone you love, it does not mean it's the end all for God's plan in your life. Don't get me wrong -- there will be consequences for sin, but God does not just leave you there to wander aimlessly just because you took a turn off of his "original" plan for your life. I can tell you from experience, that God can take the most incredibly painful situation and actually have you come to a place where you thank Him for allowing it to happen in your life. It may not happen for many, many years, but what was once a sharp detour off the path of God's will has somehow miraculously become God's best for your life. Here's the part to remember --- after a "bad" choice has been made there must be a "good" choice to follow it. The only way to experience God's best in your life is choose to walk back to the path God has for you -- it may look different than before, but it is still there, nonetheless. If you are someone suffering the consequences of someone else's "bad" choice, choose now to follow after God and His faithfulness. He will redeem your situation, but you must choose to follow Him rather than your own anger and bitterness. I am thankful for the paths God has taken me down -- pain and peace -- hurt and joy -- confusion and clarity -- my choice is Him, no matter what the crossroad, my choice is clear because He has been faithful time and time again. Whatever your choice has been in the past; choose Him now. He will redeem it all.

Fulfillment Is Not Just About Passion

So I'm watching Oprah today and she makes the statement, "Find what you are passionate about and figure out a way to make money doing it. This is how you will have a fulfilling life." Wow. Pretty simple, I guess. Yeah right. If you are fortunate enough to really figure out what you are passionate about, and if you can actually figure out a way to make money doing it -- this might be possible. Part of my problem is that my passions change. I'm in social work. I thought this was my passion, and slowly it just became my job. I don't know if this was my own fault or just life. Sometimes I think that when we actually get paid, and have expectations placed on our passions -- we lose the "passion" in all of it. For example, I love to write. I have always loved it. I love the feeling of formulating my thoughts in such a way that it moves whoever is reading it. I love the feeling of finishing something I've written, reading back over it, and feeling like I have conveyed exactly what is in my head and my heart. But, I wonder if I would have the same excitement if it was expected because their was a paycheck waiting for me? Sometimes I think our passions just come out of who we are, and we can't help but do them. Our jobs are what we make money at. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are tons of people out there that truly feel that they are getting paid for their passion, and that's amazing. However, for those of us that don't --- it's okay. I know lots of people who live life thinking they've made some huge mistake because the career they've chosen isn't their "passion." Let it go. Maybe you aren't supposed to be "fulfilled" by making your passion your job. Maybe, just maybe --- you have this passion to help others or make a difference with no strings attached -- just because you love doing it. Passion does not always equal our source of income, and that is perfectly okay. I never want to limit myself to only being able to find my fulfillment in one area of life. I am way to complex a person to say that my job or even my passion fulfills me.

I never thought I would.....

Since I started couponing, I've become a whole new person. I been brought to things I never thought possible for myself. I've always been a passionate person (some would say mouthy; I prefer passionate), and I believe that's only been intensified since beginning this new lifestyle. Here are a few of my favorite couponing moments of 2008:

1. Standing in line dumping 5 boxes of Dove ice cream bars into Kroger bags so that I could retrieve the coupons from within the box.

2. Buying 25 Starbucks candy bars from Target (which gave me $14 in overage), only to be reprimanded by another woman who emailed me and said "while I have no doubt you'll eat all those candy bars, save some for the other frugal moms next time."

3. Going to CVS at midnight to get ECB deals and having to race another couple to the Benefiber, only to loose because of a squeaky-wheeled grocery cart.

4. Actually screaming with my sister when the CVS coupon scanner printed out a $4/20 for the first time.

5. The day I realized the CVS employees actually knew my name.

6. Threatening Omaha Steaks that I would never buy there product again if they didn't give me the free hamburgers I ordered (as if I would pay for it anyway).

7. Sitting on the computer at 11pm helping 7 people at once try and get their free Christopher and Banks shirts, realizing that "no I do NOT get paid for this!"

8. My sister and I printing and using all of the Vryl Mkt. coupons, getting $200 worth of products for free, only to find out they were all illegal! (we were new to this and totally innocent)

9. Hiding behind a Christmas display in CVS when the non-ECBers were becoming aggressive towards the ECBers.

10. Giving a CVS training seminar to my entire family in a hotel lobby, only to have the hotel clerk sit in and start taking notes!

How about you? I would love to hear about some of your favorite couponing moments. I need a good laugh.

30 Days of Thanks...

For the next thirty days I am going to highlight something for which I am thankful. Too many days go by where I forget to even acknowledge that which I am so blessed to have. I rarely live in the reality that 99% of the world lives on less than what I have. I spend too much time focusing on that material things in life, which will all pass, and not enough on those things that God says are eternal.

Today I am thankful for:

My family heritage

I realize this may seem strange at first, but once I explain I think you'll understand why I am so thankful for my family's heritage. About this time of year I am always so grateful to the legacy that my grandparents have given me. Thanksgiving is a HUGE event in our family. Christmas is big, but it can be missed for the in laws every other year without hearing too many people complain. But Thanksgiving...it is basically stated in the wedding vows that you will ALWAYS be there. My grandparents were attending Asbury College in Wilmore, Kentucky 48 years ago. They were married students living in married student housing. They had become good friends with another couple from Pittsburgh, PA who also lived in the married student duplexes. Since my grandparents were from New Jersey and very poor, they were unable to make it home for Thanksgiving. Their friends were in a similar situation. So, in attempts to make a sad situation better, they had their very first Thanksgiving together, having no idea what they had just created. From that point on the two families - the Stevenson's and Vogel's - became one. This year will be the 48th year we've celebrated Thanksgiving together. There are 43 of us in all now, including spouses, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. We usually go to Pittsburgh and stay with the Vogels and use thier church facilities for the gathering. However, this year my grandmother is finishing up her chemotherapy so we will all be traveling to Kentucky (so that my grandparents don't have to travel). We rent out a huge church fellowship hall, stay in a hotel, and eat about three of the biggest turkey's you've ever seen. We all arrive on Thanksgiving day and help prepare the meal. Before the meal begins we each go around and say what we are thankful for that year (note that there have been marriage proposals and baby announcements done at this time as well), needless to say, there are always lots of tears. This alone takes almost two hours! After the time of giving thanks we all stand, join hands, and sing the doxology - I promise you've never heard it sung so sweet. The day after Thanksgiving is always so much fun. We usually have a theme for the day, past years have included the Amazing Race, Survivor, Medieval Times, and other things like taking a school bus to the movies, or renting out a Japanese Hibachi grille. Whatever we do, it is always amazing! I've never spent a Thanksgiving any other way but this, and yet, I realize every bit how precious this tradition is and how important it is to hold to. If you sat around our Thanksgiving table you would not know where the Stevenson's end and the Vogel's begin. I am so Thankful.

30 Days of Thanks...

For the next thirty days I am going to highlight something for which I am thankful. Too many days go by where I forget to even acknowledge that which I am so blessed to have. I rarely live in the reality that 99% of the world lives on less than what I have. I spend too much time focusing on that material things in life, which will all pass, and not enought on those things that God says are eternal.

Today I am thankful for:

My Husband

I definitely do not tell him or show him enough just how grateful I am to be married to such an extraordinary man. He is completely selfless where I am concerned. I never feel as though he is intentionally putting his needs before my own. He so evidently loves the Lord and puts Him first in his life. He is an active father. My children are going to grow up so loved and desired because their father participates in who they are. He is my best friend and favorite companion. My heart bursts with gratitude to the Lord for choosing me to be his wife.

Siphon the Truth - Let Go of the Junk

Yesterday someone said something that cut me deep. I've been bothered by it ever sense. Ever have something that just lurks in your mind and you can't seem to shake it? I think the reason this particular jab hurt so badly was because I knew it was partially true. I think that's probably true with most criticism. It's important that when we are criticized we learn how to siphon what part of it is true, and let go off the junk that came with it. I've heard it said this way before, "there was probably a nugget of truth in there somewhere, but the problem was it was covered up by a bunch of crap." Dig through the "crap", find the nugget of truth, and let it go. This is exactly what I need to do today - right here, right now - I'm letting go.

30 Days of Thanks...

For the next thirty days I am going to highlight something for which I am thankful. Too many days go by where I forget to even acknowledge that which I am so blessed to have. I rarely live in the reality that 99% of the world lives on less than what I have. I spend too much time focusing on that material things in life, which will all pass, and not enought on those things that God says are eternal.

________________________________________________________

"Life isn't about learning to weather the storms; it's about learning to dance in the rain."

Today I am thankful for:

The storms in my life

Looking back over the difficult seasons in my life brings me joy. Why? Because I know God ordained them to make me more like Him. I am thankful that I've not only weathered them, but I've learned from them, and become better person. With each trail I go through, I am becoming a person who reflects God's image a little more clearly. No, life is not about getting through the storm. It is learning to dance when it pours.

30 Days of Thanks....

For the next thirty days I am going to highlight something for which I am thankful. Too many days go by where I forget to even acknowledge that which I am so blessed to have. I rarely live in the reality that 99% of the world lives on less than what I have. I spend too much time focusing on that material things in life, which will all pass, and not enought on those things that God says are eternal. Today I am thankful for:

My Church

I am thankful that I have the privilege to freely attend church and freely praise God. I am thankful that not once has anyone ever tried to stop me from going, and not once have I felt fear before leaving for church. The idea that so many others in different parts of the world live this way is not as real as it should be to me.

I am thankful that the church I attend truly loves one another. I feel so blessed by the people I get to worship next to each Sunday. I am thankful that I am taught from God word whether it's difficult to hear sometimes or not. I am so thankful that I can trust the leaders God has put in place at my church.

I am thankful that this institution of the Church has withstood 2000 years. I am thankful that the church, the body of Christ, is such a clear demonstration of the Divine nature of God. Nothing else has survived like the Church, and it is only because she is protected by God that she does continue on (Lord knows we would have destroyed a million times by now).

I am thankful that I have a place to go each Sunday not only to see God, but see him in others, too. If you've been missing this incredible blessing in your life, maybe it's time to start partaking again.

Finding God Over a Cup of Tea

I just spent the last 24 hours with a dear friend of mine. We used to live near each other, but were separated when my husband took a job three hours away. There is something so special about two women spending uninterrupted time together to just talk and listen. It is a very rare and special thing to have a friend that you can be real with, who accepts you whether they agree with you or not, who doesn't compete with you, or try to out do you, and genuinely just likes being with you.

I love that God designed me with the desire and the need to connect with another the way I connected with my friend this weekend. I love that He was a part of our conversation even when we weren't directly talking about Him. I love that He made me female and chooses to reveal Himself through relationships like this. I love that the part of me that longs for uninterrupted time with a friend is the part of me that's just like God. He longs to connect with me the way I long to connect with an old friend. He desires uninterrupted time with me over tea, the same way I desire it. Why? Because the desire that is in me was created from the desire that is in Him.

There is such a great understanding and like-mindedness between two female friends. Not only are we created like one another, but God created each of us like Himself. We both carry the same attributes of God: compassion, attention to detail, nurturing, beauty, emotions, and the list could go and on. While the male - female relationship holds it's own set of amazing characteristics, mostly because we compliment each other with our differences, the female bond tends to have a familiar, comfortable, more vulnerable sense to it because we understand each other through our similarities. Even though God created men and women for one another, I love that He knew women needed each other as well. Just having a male-female relationship won't give you a complete reflection of God. We need a female friendship to understand the longing to belong and to be accepted that is there when find the comfort of a real, true friend. That desire comes from God, because it is in God, and He has that same desire for us. So this is one of those "sit and think, deep thoughts" posts. Think....and then find some interrupted time, with a cup of tea and a dear friend. It is so good for the soul.

Priorities - Easier Said Than Done

Lately, I have really been struggling with the order and emphasis of my priorities. We all know the big ones: God, husbands, kids. They are so easy to name, but somehow all mix together throughout my day. If I try to do my time with the Lord while my kids are awake there will indefinitely be an interruption involving spilled food, wiping a poopy butt, or screaming for no apparent reason. If I wait until nap time I feel so distracted by the 100 things I didn't get done when they were awake. If I wait until they go to bed to spend time with the Lord, I sit there thinking about how much I need to be spending this quiet time with my husband. Is there any answer to this vicious cycle? I really do not have a good or practical answer to this, but I'm going to try to at least give some tips that might help.

First, find yourself some accountability. Often one person isn't enough. Find a group of women to go through a study with. I am currently doing the Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed study with Beth Moore. I'm in a group with 22 women - talk about a lot of accountability. This keeps in the word, because I know I have to sit with other women, and I do not want to be the only one with an empty book! :) Eventually, you will move from discipline to read the Word, to desiring the Word, to devouring the Word.

Second, make a list of all the things you want to have accomplished in one week. Divide the list up so that you only have to accomplish one or two big things a day. I never try to clean my whole house in one day. I just end up disappointing myself with what I didn't finish, but giving myself the option of just completing one chore; I can get the floors swept and mopped in one day.

Third, the time after your kids go to bed is precious, and definitely spend time with your husband. Feeling guilty about not reading your Bible during this time is not what God would have for you. It is so important for your marriage that you and your husband have quiet, uninterrupted time. However, while it may not be the best time for you to go off by yourself during this time, it is a great time for you and your husband to come before the Lord together for a few moments. But by all means - curl up on the couch - snuggle watch some good TV together, too. You need lots of moments like these.

Finally, guilt is not what the Lord wants you to feel in regards to your relationship and time with Him. Let yourself off the hook from having to have the "typical" sit down alone with lights low, bible, and a copy of "My Utmost for His Highest" in hand. Don't get me wrong that scenario sounds wonderful, but let's be realistic - most of our lives don't allow for this ever day. God has really been teaching me how to have a "relationship" with him rather than "moments". He wants my attention all day long in everything that I do. My old way of thinking told me I had to wait until my "quiet time" to approach God, but I am learning that He wants me to approach Him when I'm cleaning up dishes and when I'm reading to my kids.

I definitely do not have this all figured out - and the beautiful part is I don't have to. As long as my mind is focused on who God is and what he means to me, I will know more tomorrow and hopefully, be a little more like Him in the process.

What's normal anyway?

I have been doing some counseling on the side lately and I currently have a little boy who has explosive temper tantrums. He's been diagnosed with Asperger's disorder, which if you don't know what that is, it's a mild type of Autism. As I sat and watched this very vivacious three year old play computer games (which I am certain my three year would have trouble figuring this out), I wondered - what parts of his behaviors are due to his "disorder" and what parts are just being a typical three year old boy. His parents described him getting upset when he doesn't get his way, not wanting to eat what they give him, throwing fits in the grocery store, flailing his arms and legs when he gets mad, etc. As I listened I began to wonder if I should test my son for Asperger's, because their behaviors are quite similar? Don't get me wrong - I am sure he is quite a handful for his parents, and I don't want to assume I know what they are going through, but I did have to wonder - is it healthy to assume all of what he does is due to this "label" he's been given? Will he now operate under the label "Asperger's" for the rest of his life? What if he hadn't been diagnosed? What if his parents learned to how to respond and deal with his behaviors under the assumption that he was just a challenge? I'm just throwing these thoughts out there today. I sometimes just think that we have become accustom to labeling children because we want a reason for every single problem they might have. Maybe there isn't a reason, maybe God is just trying to teach us something, or maybe it is just the way the kid is - no reason - just a challenge. Anyone else have any thoughts?