Thursday, September 11, 2008

Sometimes I just fail....

Here's my confession: I was a bad mom today. Ever have a day when you just don't like yourself? You are completely sick of the way you are acting, talking, and even thinking? I cannot even tell you what my son did that flipped the trigger in me, but it did and I lost it. He cried, and I cried.

After our emotional scene, we sat together hugging on the floor. I asked his forgiveness, and he so quickly forgave me. How amazing is that? It would have taken me a very long time to get over someone speaking to me the way that I spoke to him today. As I sit here and write I am realizing two important things: 1) If my three year old can forgive so completely, so quickly, how much more does God forgive me? 2) God does not expect me to be perfect - that's why He gives grace. Grace is what will keep my children in His hands - and my little outbursts will mean virtually nothing in the long scheme of things - that is grace.

I spend way too much of my time thinking:
- if could just have the patience of "so and so", my kids would never have to see me "lose it"
- if I were as creative as "her" my kids would think I was more fun,
- or if we could just discipline the way that "they" do my kids would be better behaved.
What I've come to realize it this simple truth: God has entrusted this precious children to me and my husband, but HE NEVER INTENDED FOR US TO DO THIS ON OUR OWN. Patience, creativity, discipline mean nothing if I'm not first giving my children to the Lord every day. I have to be honest, I don't always do this. Sometimes I just fail.....and I will every time when I try to do this without placing these exhausting, amazing, beautiful children in God's hands. By doing this simple action, you can never fail at the most important job we have - parenthood. After a day like today, I need to cling to the truth that these children are His, not mine. When I try to take them from Him, I screw up, and I hurt me, I hurt them, and I hurt the Lord. Today, as I sit and write I give them back, and I ask forgiveness for trying to raise them on my own.


Crystal @ The Thrifty Mama said...

This is so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing this.

KaseyQ said...

Ohh, we have ALL had those days! Sometimes I have several a week...sometimes that IS my week!

One time I was talking to my mom after one of those episodes and she told me something that really stuck with me- she said, "Kasey, your kids need to know that you have a breaking point too." I realized that it's okay for them to see me lose it every now and then, especially when they're losing it!

Goodness knows that I will try my hardest not to, because they need me to teach them how to cope with their feelings and if I can't cope with mine, then that's not a very good example. But they also need to recognize that their actions and words can hurt, and that mommies have feelings too.

We're all better moms than we think we are. Hang in there and keep up the positive thinking!